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[10 Oct 2006|11:42pm] |
One of the postcards on postsecret this week:
"When we found out the baby (fetus) had Down's, I didn't want to keep it. And so we killed it."
One of the only arguments that would ever make me be pro-life.
And why we can never stop questioning what changes in the name of technology.
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[26 Aug 2006|03:46am] |
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There was a postcard on postsecret a while ago that said, "Even though this has been one of the most stressful times of my life, and I've been really unhappy, I actually feel like now I can see where I need to be." I keep wanting this to be true for me. I feel like I've been stuck in the unhappy part for years, and I'm never going to discover where I need to be. I told myself all summer that I just needed to get out of that house. Things would be great once we moved into our new house without the people and things that frustrated me so. But now that I'm here, I just feel like I'm waiting around for the next thing to happen; waiting for whatever is actually going to make me happy. I just worry myself into such angry frustration; sometimes about things that really matter and sometimes about things that couldn't matter less. Mostly they are things that I have no control over. Even as my roommates and I have become closer and closer, I realize how much of a separation there is between us. I've never really "fit" completely with them no matter how hard I try. But then again, when have I ever really felt like I totally fit anywhere? I only have one answer to that and it's a completely ridiculous one. Maybe this is just a fit in the middle of the night because I'm alone, maybe its just because I'm crabby that I have to listen to drunkenness in the living room when I want to sleep. But when you spend so much time worrying that you really are a bad person, spend so much time really disliking who you are, it's probably time to make some sort of change. Maybe the changes are all in me. If I was just a little less condescending, a little less fakely arrogant, maybe I wouldn't feel like every friend I've ever had only deals with me because I make them. If I liked going out every weekend or cared about being skinny enough to get that way or was just slightly more interesting, it may even be possible for me to meet someone that will like me not only when I'm drunk, but when I'm sober as well. Well, enough of this. I get to go home sometime soon. When I'm with my family is the only time I feel complete. The new school year is my new hope for being content. We'll see how it goes.
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[12 Jul 2006|12:52am] |
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 nervous |
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music |
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silence |
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So, I am nervous and not able to sleep, so it must be a good a time as any to update my livejournal about what's been going on the last months of my life.
I am nervous because one of my friends just told me that one of our mutual friends brothers was in a really bad car accident. I haven't been able to get a hold of her yet, so I don't know what's happening or how she is and you all know how much I hate not knowing what's going on. Plus, she is an extremely neurotic person. I know she isn't asleep right now. I will be calling Ryne in 6 minutes when he gets off work because who better to talk to and who else is around at 1 AM.
Anyway, it is summer time. Just like the rest of this year, the summer is FLYING by. It hasn't been a super exciting summer, but there have been some really great moments. It's nice to not have the pressure of tons of classes weighing down on me all the time. I had a really hard year school wise with o chem and intro zoology which I think is much more difficult than more advanced classes just because there is sooooo much information to deal with. My grades were not spectacular this second semester and ended up lowering my gpa a whole tenth of a point, which doesn't seem like a lot right now, but it will be a lot when I'm applying to med school. Anyway, enough about the school year.
I am still here in Madison with most of my roommates. Allison (the cousin) is gone at YMCA camp all summer having fun being the arts and crafts lady. I had a subletter in my room at the beginning of the summer, but she was only here for the first summer session, and now I have a HUUUUGE room to myself. That is the only reason I am surviving. She was pretty damn odd too. Very, very nice girl and always polite. But she changed in the fricken closet! Went in and shut the door behind here to put on some pajamas. Apparently, she was afraid of me. That's one of the many strange things I learned about her. The rest of my roommates are here and usually either drunk or with their boyfriends. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time for just hanging out. I am taking a class for only two credits. Not much work, but still obnoxious. I had a test yesterday, and I just couldn't believe it. I'm having a test in the middle of July??? But it is what it is. I'm also working in a plant biotech lab where I spend a lot of time cutting up plants and running gels that fail. I'm enjoying it. The people are awesome in a dorky as cool as people in a biotech plant lab can be kind of way. But it is really nice for me because, as an extremely introverted person, it is nice to have a couple of hours each day where I sit at my hood and cut up pieces of potato and have nothing but WPR to bother me.
So, all in all the summer is going fairly well. As usually, there are those times where you go through a few days with doing nothing and being extremely bored. Then really awesome days come. I haven't done anything too out of the ordinary. I spent two awesome weeks at home in June staying mostly north of Mille Laces either at my cabin or at Down Syndrome Foundation camp. I love those kids with all my heart. People with down syndrome are some of the most positive, passionate people you will ever meet. It was a great time, and I'm really hoping that sometime in the next couple years I might be able to work the whole summer at Camp Knutsen where they have the camp every year. We saw Pirates of the Caribbean opening day at 12:01 AM. Two big thumbs up. Not as "good" as the first one, but definitely extremely thrilling, exciting and did a great job of setting up the third one to be awesome.
The people here are getting a little frustrating, so I'm happy to be going home soon. I love all my friends, but it has just been such a long time since I've felt like I have people. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. But after two years here, I'm still just slightly on the outside of everything. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and they are wonderful and take care of me. But it just isn't a perfect fit anywhere. I don't think I'm made out for this time of my life. Much of the time I feel like I'm just in college, waiting to get out so my real life can start. Oh well, it's just late and I've had too much wine and I'm worried about one of my best friends. One of the few people that I feel like REALLY understands me.
I'll be coming home soon, which is so exciting. In two weekends. I get to go to the new Gutherie with my mom to see The Great Gatsby. And as long as they still have their season tickets for preview night I think I might be seeing the very first show at the new theater : ) Plus, I get to hang out with my mom which is all that really matters.The only thing that the rest of the summer holds for sure is a 10 day stint in Wausua for organic chemistry lab bootcamp. Which, by the way, is what the class is actually called. 10 fun days filled with a whole semester of ochem lab. Neat. I will never take a summer class again. Other than that, I am greatly looking forward to visitors at the end of July and my birthday : )
Ok. That's all. Thanks for listening.
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| Movie excitment |
[03 Jul 2006|02:48pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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Animal Planet |
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1. Pick 20 films you love/thoroughly enjoyed.
2. Find screen captures/stills for each film. If you can't find a still, pick a new movie.
3. Post the pictures with the rules. Let your readers guess what each movie is.
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[22 Mar 2006|11:41pm] |
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Hey people that would know. Was Mr. Pristash already on who wants to be a millionaire?
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[23 Jan 2006|12:23am] |
So it's been a long time since I wrote anything. The last time I did I was freaking out about finals. Obviously, I got through them. Things turned out well despite all of us failing our zoo final. And I do actually mean we all failed it. I'm not just being annoying. It'll be nice to have at least a little pressure off for this semester.
My break was wonderful. Christmas was back to normal after the Disney fiasco of last year. I spent a lot of time with my mom which is my favorite thing to do. Stef, Keavagh and Claire were all out of town for a significant amount of time, so Em and I hung out a lot. I managed to watch four seasons of The West Wing. That's probably an insane amount, but I just couldn't help it. I went through with drawl once I left.
And now it's time for a West Wing commentary that only Matthew will even remotely care about. 1. I love Amy Gardner 2. I want to know who exactly is so brilliant at writing women on that show because the women characters are always 10 times better than the men. Maybe Aaron Sorkin had a great single mom and a dead beat dad or something. Anyway. 3. In a couple of years they should pretend some time has gone by and make a Rob Lowe spin off as him being president because Sam is that wonderful, and they spent lots of time setting his character up to be someone important. 4. I almost cried when Mary-Louise Parker dedicated her Golden Globe to John Spencer because I was so sad that that whole ceremony was going to go by without any mention and she was the only one there at all involved with the west wing and I was really attached to him since I had just watched some 80 odd episodes. And 5. I found it amusing the Rob Lowe and Martin Sheen worked together that long when Rob Lowe spent most of the 80s doing drugs with his sons.
Ok. So winter break. I also saw a lot of movies. I will name them for you. The Family Stone, North Country, Narnia, King Kong, Good Night and Good Luck, Brokeback Mountain, The Squid and the Whale, Memoirs of a Geisha and Pride and Prejudice. All were very good, but it was a weak award season. Nothing was super effecting. I still have lots to see before the Oscars. And I think George Cloonys directing of Good Night and Good Luck is more award worthy than Brokeback Mountain, but that's just me.
I've been back at school for a week and a half now. It's odd that people just got back today. I feel like I've been in Madison for weeks already. My classes this semester are Bio, O Chem, Environmental Health and Scientific Backround of Environmental Problems. It's a hard core science semester, but much easier than fall because I traded two four credit classes for two three credit classes which makes it only 14. I am oh so happy about that. They all start late and my schedule is super compact. It will be a wonderful semester class wise.
We had a really great party before school started. We had it before most of the dorms came back, so there were no annoying freshmen we didn't know coming to steal alcohol. Ryne even came for a while, but I think we scared him away with body shots. I have two excellent weekends coming up. Next Friday, Alex is coming for a hockey game and is going to stay with me. The next weekend, Joe and I are going to La Crosse for Emily's birthday and to see all of those girls. We don't have anywhere to live yet, but hopefully by the end of next week we will. Who knew finding a damn house was going to be such a struggle. All in all, things are great. I miss my mom already, and March 10th is super far away. Oh well. I hope everyone has a good first day of classes tomorrow or just a good day.
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| For my own planning... |
[14 Dec 2005|06:08pm] |
Tonight:
460 Review 7-8:30
Bio Review 8-??
Library until about 12:30
Thursday:
Library 11-2
Class 2:25-5:15
Dinner for Chelsea 6:15
Library the rest of the night
Friday:
205 Review 11:00
Library until 3:30
Home and Dinner
Chem Review 5:00
460 Final 7:25-9:25
Library
Saturday:
Library 11:00-1:30
Break
Chem Final 2:25-4:25
Crashing then back to the library
Sunday and Monday:
Intense studying
Seeing Libbie's art show at some point
Tuesday:
250 Final 10:05-12:05
Nap, lunch, more studying
Bio Final 5:05-7:05
WATCHING WHITE CHRISTMAS!!!
Wednesday:
Sleeping late, watching TV and getting very drunk
Thursday:
HOME
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[13 Dec 2005|01:29am] |
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My mom told me that because of a no competition clause in Caribou's contract the coffee place by Video Update has to shut down. Despite the fact that the other coffee shop has been there for years, now that Caribou is in the area, it isn't able to renew its lease. A single woman has been able to keep a local business open in St. Anthony for what I'm guessing is more than four years almost completely by herself, and now she has to change her life because a corporation that already makes millions of dollars a year has an actual legal monopoly on coffee in the area. How can that be right? I hate that this is the way that the world works, and I hate that all that corporate shit at Apache is part of our community now. When these kinds of things happen, I'm reminded of the horrible contradictions in my own life and in the things that I'm ranting about at this moment. I make so many choices on a regular basis, and many of them are not the right ones. I say how much I despise Walmart, yet can't live without Target. I try and convince my mom to buy organic food, but I go and buy fast food on a regular basis. Then I try and justify it by saying that Chipotle uses free-range chicken and that Target is a Minnesota company that gives back to the community. I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself because I am young, I'm just deciding what I think is really important in the world, and I can't afford to do a lot of the things I would like to do in terms of avoiding corporations. But this is the time in my life where I need to re-evaluate my morals and make the right decisions. This situation just makes me so sad. I feel especially sad because corporate coffee is something that can be so easily avoided in our neighborhood, and coffee from a little, local place is usually better anyway. So in a very inarticulate conclusion, Caribou sucks, I pretty much suck too, and you should all go to local coffee houses like Audubon Coffee which is delicious.
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| I'm too young to be this cynical |
[09 Dec 2005|09:47pm] |
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Joni Mitchell |
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Will someone please explain the difference between those who always seem to be in a relationship and those of us that never seem to connect with anyone? What are those other girls doing that there is always a boy? I'd like to say I'm picky, but being picky would involve turning someone down. This situation sucked not because I didn't manage to get someone specific, but because for just a second I thought there was possibility, possibilty to have something that comes so easily to everyone else. But once again, alocohol seems to have been the cause of interest and attraction. Lonliness breeds hopeless romantics. What choice do we have but to believe that the longer we wait the more likely eventual perfection is?
The last time I saw richard was detroit in ’68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said you think you’re immune, go look at your eyes
They’re full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise they’re only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies
He put a quarter in the wurlitzer, and he pushed
Three buttons and the thing began to whirr
And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie
And she said drink up now it’s gettin’ on time to close.
Richard, you haven’t really changed, I said
It’s just that now you’re romanticizing some pain that’s in your head
You got tombs in your eyes, but the songs
You punched are dreaming
Listen, they sing of love so sweet, love so sweet
When you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
Oh and love can be so sweet, love so sweet
I’m gonna blow this damn candle out
I don’t want nobody comin’ over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hidin’ behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days
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| Because Yamini said so... |
[07 Dec 2005|01:11am] |
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Ella Fitzgerald- Moonlight in Vermont |
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Seven songs I've been listening to:
1. The whole Love Actually Soundtrack- I know it's not one song, but it's wonderful and Christmasy
2. Carole King- Where You Lead
3. Johnny Cash- Walk the Line
4. Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong- It's a lovely day
5. Bing Crosby and Doris Day- Baby, it's Cold Outside
6. RENT- One Song Glory
7. Joni Mitchell- Blue
Apparently, I only listen to music that is corny beyond belief or that was written before 1975, or both.
I don't tag anyone because people are so busy with finals I know no one would do it anyway.
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| fuuuuuuuuck |
[04 Dec 2005|05:03am] |
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I don't even know what to say. Confusion. It's been a long time since I've actually thought I knew what I wanted.
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| So much to do in 18 days... |
[02 Dec 2005|06:14pm] |
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Only 18 days until I am done with my finals. There is too much stuff in that short period.
I'm avoiding homework right now, so I thought it might be a good time for an update. My Thanksgiving break was awesome. Unfortunately, one of the things that made it awesome was that I didn't do any work. We left here Wednesday. That night I saw RENT with Joe, Nellie, Em, Keavagh and Stef. It was wonderful, as expected. But now I'm going crazy because everyone and their mom is quoting it. I mean, com' on people, it was just as great before the movie! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. The day went well. My great uncle in-law who no one likes got mad and yelled and cheated while we were playing a game with the whole family. Very mature. But that was the only upset, so I counted us lucky. Friday morning mom and I went to Rosedale at 8:00 and got the VERY LAST SANTA BEAR! It was a sad moment. Because of the Macy's purchase of Marshall Fields, they are no longer having them. If you don't know what I mean by a Santa Bear, you should come to my basement around Christmas when they are ALL downtairs. After that, my entire Schwartz side helped move my grandma into her new apartment. She's living in the regular apartment part of Autumn Woods. It was a long long day. Everything's still happening so fast for her. My grandpa's only been gone three months. It's unfortunate, but her landlord aka HER SON AND DAUGHTER IN LAW have really been pressuring her to get out of the house. Have I mentioned we hate them? That night I sat around and watched TV and a movie with my mom and dad. Saturday Mary cut my hair and filled me in on her life. The fam and I went to eat at Snap (plug: the new pizza place on johnson opened by the owners of pop which is very good where you should all go eat because they are a local business and extremely nice people!) and saw Walk the Line. An amazing film. Resse Witherspoon was spectacular and Joaquin Phoenix is beautiful. That night I finally called people, and I went over to Ryne's to hang out for a while. Sunday I managed to do nothing the entire day.
That is when the trouble of this week started. I had a 6 page paper due Monday for Environmental History and a 7-10 page paper due on Tuesday for History of Islam. I didn't start either of these until the car on the way back to Madison. Needless to say, Sunday, Monday and Wednesday night I got less than 5 hours of sleep, and Tuesday and Thursday night I got less than 6. Rough week. The Islam paper took me a lot longer than I thought it would, so I sucked it up, turned it in late and just took the grade reduction. I felt really bad about it, but it was at the point where there was no possible way I could finish it. Good thing they were worth 30% and 25% of my grade. God, I am an idiot.
Now that papers are out of the way, studying hardcore must begin. I know I shouldn't drink until the end of the semester, but I might end up going out tomorrow night anyway. The girls will probably make me : ) We are trying to get housing organized, and I feel the drama starting. I hope that we can work it out without too many issues.
Break is sooooo close. I can't wait.
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| I love winter : ) |
[17 Nov 2005|01:00pm] |
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mood |
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chilly |
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music |
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Billie Holiday |
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I do love winter. Until after Christmas anyway.
Things have been going well here in Madison lately. I got through the week from hell with an A on my history midterm and an AB in bio. Chemistry was a little disappointing, but I'm still sitting at about an AB I think, so it should be ok. There has just been a lot of studying going on.
Claire came to visit two weekends ago. I was really excited to have her here because she is the only one that had never visited. We had a really good drunken night that including dancing on State Street in the middle of the bars letting out. Last weekend, the whole house went out together which is SPECTACULAR. I love my roommates. We eventually ended up at Raa's frat which is probably the only frat I would ever go to. Libbie and I like it because they have cute black men that know how to be polite. That night I got a drunk dial message from the previous crush. That really fucking confused me, but I haven't heard from him all week, so I guess it didn't mean much. Boys: Please don't drunk dial girls that you know like you when you have a girlfriend only to have her later find out that you actually just broke up with your girlfriend but you still don't call her or talk to her all week. That made no sense.
Yesterday the cousin and I headed to Milwaukee for the Fall Out Boy/Motion City concert. It was my first time there, and I didn't get the greatest impression from the people at the concert, but I'm sure it's a great place. The crowd was pretty lame. They were really young and there was definitely a lack in mosh etiquette, if there is such a thing. When you're in college, you forget that high schoolers even exist. I wished Motion's set had been longer. I was really upset at the little girls around me who screamed all the words to every song from the new CD, but had never even heard Capital H. Fall Out Boy was fun, of course. Starting Line was really weird since I don't know any of their new stuff, and I associate their old songs with lots of really important things in my life from 10th and 11th grade. Nostalgia ensued, to say the least. I tried to play Best of Me for Ryne over the phone and failed miserably. He was supposed to be there, but the little idiot didn't buy his ticket in time.
This weekend will be intense since I'm trying to get everything I can done before Thanksgiving. I want to have a relaxing weekend and not worry about papers and keeping up. I'm unbelievable homesick. You people that haven't gone home yet are crazy. Harry Potter is this weekend too! I tried so hard to get tickets for tonight. I went to university square there times, all in the rain, and they weren't open twice and they were sold out the third time. Liz and I are going Saturday.
Now, I have to try and bundle up because it's 17 degrees outside, and we're trying not to turn on the heat!
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| Time for you all to know the hell that is my life |
[07 Nov 2005|12:50am] |
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Here's the library count since Halloween weekend:
Monday: 3 1/2 hours
Wednesday: 3 hours
Thursday: 3 hours
Friday: 3 1/2 hours
Saturday: 9 hours with an hour break for dinner in there somewhere
Sunday: 4 1/2 hours + 5 hours of work I just did here at home
What have I been doing in the library all that time? About a million things. Although, it seems like nothing has been accomplished.
This is the plan for tomorrow:
9:55 O Chem
11:00 Nap, watching the West Wing from tonight, lunch and shower
1:20 Bio
2:30 Islam
4:00 O Chem reviewing and dinner
5:30 Bio discussion
7:00 O Chem test
8:30 Library to study for Islam and do lab stuff
Tuesday:
8:50 Bio lab
12:00 Skipping history discussion to come back and study for other history's midterm
4:00 History of Islam midterm
5:15 Break, dinner and catching up on Gilmore Girls
7:00 Bio review and library to study for bio
Wednesday is completely devoted to biology and deciding what I will tell my advisor at our meeting
Thursday is advisor meeting in the morning, a little bit of class and Bio test at night
Friday is failing the O Chem quiz that I won't have a chance to study for and pretty much crashing and burning all around
Oh, that this was all just a cruel joke...
EDIT: I went from writing this to reading Kari's entry. Deeepressing. My life is officially the lamest thing in the world.
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| Weird, I feel like this is exactly right... |
[01 Nov 2005|01:46pm] |
July,
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying
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| Sometimes I can't even believe it |
[16 Oct 2005|10:55pm] |
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mood |
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tired and confused |
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Going home always brings ups and downs in emotions. We just have to accept that I suppose.
So, my life in the last month? I can't believe things have gone by so fast. I love my apartment and my roommates most of the time. You can't love them all the time, they're roommates. I study, study, study. My first round of exams is over, and they went somewhat successfully. O Chem more than bio which is a suprise. I decided to take last week off which was a mistake becasue now I am behind.
I've already been home twice which wasn't what I was planning at all. This time I went mostly just because I had a ride. Some because I wanted to make a final decision on a place for my environmental studies paper. It was a nice weekend, mostly spent with family which is what all my weekends at home are like. I saw my new third cousin, step second cousin once removed type baby whatever it really is. He's kind of ugly. Like most babies. My dad and I went and walked on the river and took awesome pictures of the mill city/st anthony main area for my paper. Going home after having an apartment or house is strange because you get homesick for your own house instead of the other way around.
So, I guess life here isn't that interesting. Lots of studying and not too much going out lately. The meeting new people which was at such an intense high for the first few weeks of school is dwindling. It's unfortunate, but I suppose that's what happens when you live at the library.
I was asked twice this weekend if I have a boyfriend. I haven't been asked that by random relatives since like 10th grade. Maybe it's because I'm at that point where people are starting to have serious relationships, and I'm failing to keep up with the trend. I feel like at this point I want a relationship so badly that I will psyco my way out of getting any guy to be interested at all. At the moment, I am interested in a guy that I met through a mutual friend, and we are still in the very early getting to know you stage. I hate sitting here knowing that I want to get to know him and knowing that I made the first move in talking to him and invite him along when I go to dinner with our other friend and then having nothing happening. Then I go into super, super lame girl mode that involves wondering why he isn't talking to me, putting up away messages that are fishing for comments, and having to resist starting up a conversation with him everytime I come online. It's completely and totally ridiculous. Plus, I don't know if I should just stop all this shit and just be like hey, i really want to get to know you better, lets hang out or backoff and let him actually decide if he wants to get to know me or not. Right now I'm totally in the middle and acting like a complete idiot and letting myself feel bad the fact that nothing's happening. I think all my feelings are perpetuated by allison having like 4 guys interested in her right now and the rest of my roommates having serious, long term boyfriends and having sex all the time.
My mom said one of her friends daughters was always that girl who didn't really have boyfriends in highschool or college because she was always a little more mature and she wanted a really nice guy. Now, that girls 25 and dating a 36 year old guy. I said, "Mom, don't put that one past me." "Yeah, I know," she says. "That's what I'm worried about." I can seriously imagine that being me (except for the way I'm acting right now, I'm not so sure about the more mature part...), but who wants to wait until then to find a good guy?
Ok, I'm done being ridiculous. I'm giving up on homework tonight and just getting some sleep.
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[15 Sep 2005|01:30am] |
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mood |
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tired |
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music |
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People drinking downstairs |
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School is super weird right now. I have never felt at any point in my life that I am learning as much as I am at this moment. Genius people are telling me such amazing, exciting, new things. My Environmental History prof went to get his masters at Oxford, fucking Oxford, and when he turned in his end book/paper thing it was so good they gave him a PhD instead. Genius, I tell you. I have never been exposed to so much new information as I'm being exposed to right now. It's spectacular. I hate it. I hate it because when it comes down to it, the grades come before the enjoyment and even before the learning. I am already working so hard. The last few days are hopefully just a result of poor planning, and not what I'm going to have to do to pull this off. I can't have a life where I spend 3-4 hours every single day reading, highlighting and taking notes. But maybe that's the only way I can do it. My two favorite things in the world are the things that are suffering the most: sleeping and eating. My body seems to already be accepting the fact that I will never get move than 6 hours of sleep in a night. I wish I could be working out, but the free time I do have I would rather be vegging. Working out would make me feel better, but it's so hard to find the motivation to force my body to do something when my brain is already working so hard. I hope this week is a fluke, and that the strain I'm feeling is all caused by a weekend of accomplishing nothing. I already feel like I've let people down by letting friendships die. I think about boys so much I feel like I'm about 12 years old. Classes have become my cover for scouting. Too bad I seem to lack both the ability to meet new people and to keep their attention. And since I know like 5 boys including Ryne, I don't really have any options off hand.
Now that I'm done being overdramatic because it's 1:40 in the morning on a Wednesday and I've been reading Medieval Islamic history for like 3 hours, I can go to bed. Tomorrow I will get up and do what I need to do because, really, what other choice is there? Alex is coming this weekend, and she, along with a large amount of Black Cherry Shmirnoff will be my reward. And I'll try that doing work thing too. Goodnight everyone.
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| School |
[06 Sep 2005|12:55pm] |
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So, school has now offically started. I've been in my apartment for a little over a week. So far, it's been pretty boring around here. I've gone out a few times, but haven't really done anything. I'm excited for school and classes and for there to be something productive to do. I've gotten to see all of my friends, and with the new roomies there are tons of new people around. So far, living together is going fantastic especially considering how little I knew about these people. We will soon have real internet, and I will be able to do things on my own computer. I guess there isn't much of anything to report. In some ways this move is harder and easier than last year. Of course, school wise it is much easier because I know what to expect, and I'm excited to be learning something again. In other ways, it's harder becasue I'm more on my own, and I feel like I grew so much closer to my family last year and this summer, and now I just had to leave them again. Plus, I left last year feeling really close to a lot of people and this summer was the ultimate summer of relationships falling apart. Now, I feel like I lack close relationships here and at home. Atleast I seem to have reconnected with my girlfriends after what was a weird about month and a half without them. And of course there is always Alex. We did a good job of not falling apart this summer. I miss my Chad girls. Chelsea and Katie were my ultimate comfort in the dorms. One would think that after going to college the first time that the adjusting process would end, but it doesn't. I think it continues for all of time. I miss my mom. I feel like I've been here years, but really there just isn't anything to do and too much time to think. This all makes me sound like I've been really sad, but I haven't at all. This is all just coming out now that I'm sitting down to think about the year and what it might turn out to be. I had a random talk with John Coleman the other night, and we both agreed that it's about time that I find a nice boy. As pathetic as it might sound, I feel like having a boyfriend would make things easier. Of course they could make things a lot more difficult too, but a boyfriend is at least something that's there when you need it. Eh, whatever, I don't really know what I'm saying. I need to take a shower since I've only been up and hour and a half and my roommates have already been off at class for hours.
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| All of summer |
[26 Aug 2005|06:48pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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my kitty meowing |
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Many large events have occurred in my life in the past months. I haven't updated for a long while, so here is a recap of my life lately if you should care to read it...
( a really long thing )
If I do see you before I go, but I should have, I'm sorry. I'll miss you. Everyone have a really good year at school, and come to Madison for Halloween. We'll hang out.
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